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I just listened to a wonderful podcast with a lesson on the French tradition of “apéro.” Because I am a huge fan of this tradition (pre-dinner drinks, anyone?), and because there is a good reason why 2021 is the perfect time to begin an apéro tradition, I was inspired to expand on the concept myself. So, let’s learn how to apéro!
Apéro is 'au courant'
The aforementioned podcast I listened to made an important observation: there are perhaps more apéro hours throughout Paris and the rest of France than ever. Because restaurants and cafés are closed except for takeout, the only way to gather and socialize in small groups is to host or attend apéro or perhaps apéro dînatoire at someone’s home.
More on dînatoire later…
What is Apéro, really?
I often liken apéro to American happy hour, but it’s not exactly the same thing. Yes, it is a traditional rendezvous after work and before dinner. One gathers with friends or colleagues at a restaurant/bar/café or someone’s home to enjoy a drink and “nibbles” to whet the appetite for dinner. But whereas in America, Happy Hour is often a time to let off steam and drink to “let loose” after a long day or week, in France it is a social occasion. The drinks are only part of the gathering.
Apéro is an institution in France; a custom practiced and adored by all. The basic setup of an aperitif, or apéro, is a gathering between friends or colleagues at a café or one’s home to a glass of wine and light finger foods.
It is important to know that generally, you will not be staying for dinner if invited to an apéro. Therefore, little nibbles like nuts, crackers, or some other salty snack is provided to accompany your wine. Whereas in America, happy hour can easily lead to a dinner feast of fingerfoods, charcuterie, and even dessert, in France it is very much thought of as a before dinner occasion to prepare the appetite for a full meal later on.
Apéro Dînatoire
The exception to a strict observance of not staying past your welcome is when your host invites you to apéro dînatoire.
You may recognize the French word dîner disguised in this term, and you’d be right. Apéro dînatoire is a term used by a host or hostess to let you know that the foods offered at this particular gathering will be enough to satisfy as a dinner. Therefore, you don’t have to rush out before the dinner hour, and you won’t have to plan a meal for yourself after the fact.
If it’s not a dînatoire, how do you know when to leave? The French are very good at subtlety letting you know when to leave. I’ve seen this first hand during my time in France. You will see your host(ess) begin to slowly gather up the dishes, or take the food back to the kitchen, or even just check her watch. This is your cue that apéro is over. Time to get your coat.
Important: Learn your social cues
Unless explicitly told that your apéro is a dînatoire, or you are clearly invited to stay for dinner, it is important to follow these social cues so that you do not overstay your welcome. In France, social norms are strictly followed, and upheld with high regard. Therefore, you must do your part as the guest to follow your host’s cues, and not overstay your welcome.
Apéro is not a potluck
In America we always ask “what can I bring?” when we are invited to someone’s home. But in France it is important to know that the host takes their food or meal preparation very seriously. They may be irritated by the addition of an item which does not go with their planned meal or dessert. This is even true for apéro. So unless you are asked to bring something, bring only yourself and enjoy being someone’s guest.
Personally I love this social expectation. If someone invites you to be their guest, they want to treat you to a nice meal and drinks to show you respect and friendship. As someone who takes joy from cooking and preparing a planned meal for others, it can be a bit stressful to figure out what to tell my guests to bring. Even if you just say “bring a bottle of wine” it might not pair well with what you’ve prepared. And for someone to whom this is important, this can be irksome.
If you really must bring something, bring some high-end chocolates from a boutique bakery. Other good options are a box of my macarons (wink wink), or some small bouquet of flowers to thank your host for a nice evening.
Curfews push apéro to the early afternoon
Ordinarily, apéro is an after working hours gathering, so around 5 or 6 o’clock. This gives a good hour or two before French dinner hour commences, usually around 8pm. However, with the 6pm curfew firmly in place throughout France, one must socialize earlier in the afternoon. This may have been the intention: to discourage gatherings after work and force people to go straight home instead. Perhaps this means one must save apéro for their days off. Either way, these gatherings start around 3 or 4pm in present times.
The upside is that if you are hosting, you don’t have to start giving off clues that you want your guests to leave. They will be well aware of what time they must leave to return home by 6pm. This makes observing social cues a little less important for people like my sweet husband who can talk and enjoy a social gathering well into the wee hours (love you, honey).
Apéro chez toi
If you live somewhere other than in France, apéro is a great way to bring French culture into your day. It also makes for an enjoyable hour to spend in a small social circle (which is the only way to do so these days). Just make sure guests are well aware if they are invited for dinner or not. If you are French you would assume not, but elsewhere this is not a social norm and so it would be necessary to explain how long the invitation lasts.
To make it feel extra French, try these food ideas:
Marcona Almonds:
I love to eat them heavily salted or with other spice blends.
Mini toast crackers
These pair well with any other accompaniment like cheeses, spreads, or fruits.
Fresh fruits
Vegetables and dip
Macarons or chocolates - always provide something sweet!
Have you attended a French apéro before? If not, are you inspired to give it a try? Please do let me know how you like it, I would love to hear from you!
À la prochaine-
geneviève