There you are, at Café de Flore, star struck by its famous awnings, rattan chairs, and floral motif. You see the outdoor seating stuffed with patrons chatting away and sipping at mysterious but delicious looking beverages in all sizes of cups: demi tasse, pot de thé, un carafe, etc. The servers dressed in black and white bustle around efficiently, but always leaving their diners to sit and enjoy without being asked “ça va?” every five minutes. Everyone looks happy, relaxed, and fully enjoying their afternoon en terrasse. You want to slip right in amongst the caffeinated crowd and enjoy a beverage of your choice while you watch people go by on the street. And you want to look just as chic doing it.

BUT HOW? Can you just walk right up and sit down? Do you have to ask for a table? HOW do you ask for a table outside? Which version of coffee do you want to order, and what’s the difference? Do you tip your waiter? Why won’t the waiter even look your direction, is he being rude?

All these questions swirl inside your head as you ponder how to partake in the café atmosphere, and you decide it’s better to avoid making a faux pas or looking like a silly tourist, so you move on and miss out on the quintessential French dining experience that is the café. C’est dommage.

Believe it or not, I was once this way too. As an introverted French speaker, I was often intimidated by French etiquette and cultural activities like the iconic café. I had so much stage fright that I often would resist sidling up to an outdoor table on my own, asking for a coffee, and enjoying my solitude. Though I spoke French, I was sure they would catch me out as American, pretend not to understand my French, or just ignore me completely. Stereotypes are true for a reason, after all, n’est-ce que pas?

Non.

A lot of time has passed since I allowed intimidation to prevent me from experiencing the things in life I most want to experience, especially during my time in France. I learned how to overcome my shyness at being foreign, and my worry over lacking proper etiquette. It took me a period of time to do this, but I had that luxury, being that I was there for half of a year.

But fear not, it will not take you the time span it took me. I am here today to walk you through my most favorite French experience of all: the café. Today I’m giving you all the etiquette, tips, translations, and advice for enjoying any café that strikes your fancy. So when you do go to France, you won’t be intimidated out of experiencing one of life’s greatest pleasures. You will be able to confidently join the other patrons sipping their beverages, order like you know what you’re doing, and not feel like you stick out like a sore thumb. Here is my guide on French café etiquette – how to enjoy the French café like a local.

Do I ask for a table, or just sit down? It can be intimidating wading in amongst the packed tables of people, but rest assured if you want to sit outside at a proper café, you can just grab a free table. The waiters somehow notice when a new customer sits down, and will attend to you shortly. A “proper” café constitutes those typical rattan chairs, small round tables for two, and no utensils or glasses laid out. These are free for anyone to come and go, order a drink or a quick bite, and spend all afternoon watching people walk by, if you wish. If, however, it is more of a restaurant/bistro with set tables (with tablecloths, glasses, and utensils), then you will need to request a table from the staff. If you want to eat inside a typical café, it is best to ask the staff inside for a table, and they will either tell you to sit anywhere you like, or they will find a spot for you.

How do I ask for a table inside? Une table pour deux (2), s’il vous plaît!

Nothing on the menu looks like a regular drip coffee, what do I order?? This is the most prominent question tourists and students ask me, and for good reason. While in America we guzzle gallons of regular “drip” coffee made at home, it is not as common to drink coffee made this way in Europe. My host mother only made instant coffee (like, the powdered stuff and you just add hot water), and if I wanted anything stronger I would have to go to a café for my daily fix. Ordering a simple “café” in France will result in a shot of espresso in a demi tasse cup being brought to your table. Also known as un petit café, un café simple, un café noir, un express, the French are prone to drinking small, concentrated coffee in the form of espresso. If you do not love the strong variety of coffee, you can order un café au lait, un café crème, or un crème– all of these are the same drink, a coffee with steamed milk, and my preferred way to drink coffee abroad. Most French people only drink un crème in the mornings with their breakfast (be sure to get a croissant to dip in it!) and prefer the stronger stuff throughout the course of the day, but you can order it any time you like.

Vous avez un café à emporter?

Some coffee shops will do café à emporter, or coffee to go, but it is not an assumed service in France. One time I asked for such a coffee and after receiving a weird look, I was handed a hot crème in a melting plastic cup. Feel free to ask, but not everywhere offers this, so if you just need a quick fix, stay standing at the coffee bar while you toss back your drink- you’ll have the added bonus of not needing to send up a flare to get your waiter’s attention, too.

And another thing, do not be despaired that you can’t find your café americain anywhere (although you can in some places as coffee roasters and artisan coffee shops are sprouting up these days in Paris and throughout France). Remember you are traveling to a different country, so it is expected that you won’t have the same comforts of home. Who wants things to be exactly as they are at home when you are exploring somewhere foreign? Expect to experience your coffee according to another culture’s tastes, and be glad that you will still get your caffeine fix as many times per day as you need, if not in the exact same manner.

My French is terrible, should I just order in English and assume they speak my language? I love this question because I often go into a long speech about how you would probably be offended if someone came to your place of business, in America, and started speaking French because they assumed you spoke their language. Of course you should not assume someone speaks English outside of an English-speaking country! To do so will not only give credit to the stereotype of entitled Americans abroad, but it also affirms peoples’ belief in the snobbery of French people, because you assumed they spoke your language without first asking or at least attempting a “bonjour” in theirs. You would be surprised at the change in civility you can experience in France if you just try speaking a few phrases in French. If you don’t, then yes, they will pretend not to speak English just to watch you squirm. But if you do try, they will either reply in French to test your language skills, or answer directly in English as the courteous thing to do (since you tried your best in French, that is).

Why won’t the waiter look my direction? If you are feeling frustrated that you can’t get your waiter’s attention, for the love of God DO NOT call out “garçon!” and expect them to come running. In fact, the opposite will happen: they will continue to ignore you (this time intentionally) as long as they see fit. Waiters in France don’t see their less than attentive practices as ignoring their customers. If you need something, you will flag them down, it’s as simple as that. Now, when cafés are busy, it can seem like a waiter is serving everyone but you, but I assure you this is not the case, and it’s all in your head (save for the one bad apple that gives credence to the stereotypes, but hey, we have them here too). It can be difficult to make eye contact with your server, so you need to be a little more obvious. Wave your arm a little as they walk by, call out “excusez-moi, monsieur/madame” – use that French you studied before your trip- and eventually they will return to you to hear your request.

All this to say, to not disturb their customers is a customary sign of respect in France, which is often interpreted as disdain by Americans. Our two cultures look at service differently: neither is better or worse, but once travelers accept it is simply different, they will stop having poor experiences with French wait staff.

I only want a glass of wine and to sit here with my book for a bit. Is that allowed? Absolument! This is the joy of the French café experience. Once you have secured your table en terrasse, it is yours until you are ready to leave. While in America, for example, the custom is to move along after your meal so as to give other patrons the table (or so the restaurant can feed more customers and thus make more profit), the French value their leisure, and taking pleasure in an afternoon at the café where you write the next great American novel is entirely permitted, if not expected. Please, please don’t rush the experience, even if you have another museum to take in; you will forget which paintings you saw there, but you will never forget the pleasurable moments spent with a hot chocolate and a croissant outside in the Winter sunshine, surrounded by Paris. Le sigh.

Do I tip my server who seemed to ignore me the whole time? Read above about that server who is actually not ignoring you. But I digress. The general rule in France is that gratuity is included in the pricing of the menu, and so it is not essential to tip. However, if you really enjoyed your meal/experience/thought your waiter was delightful (because you tried your best to order in French and they appreciated the effort and rewarded you with their true personality), it is customary to round up your bill a few euros as an extra thank you. Example: say your bill is 7 euros for un crème et un croissant; rounding up to 10 euros is entirely appreciated.

I could go on about my favorite way to spend a day in France, but I think I’ll stop here as I have given you the basics. Just remember to not let intimidation dictate your experiences, because you will regret it. And if you make a faux pas, be gracious and add a désolé (sorry) or an excusez-moi in there and you will see that you got through the experience fine, and you also learned something along the way. Most important of all: give yourself at least one entire afternoon on one day of your trip to walk, window shop, and spend a few hours on a terrasse to take in the view.

À la prochaine!

geneviève

PS! You might like my other posts:

My French Inspired Home

6 Things You Must Do in Paris to Feel Like a Local