genevieve.malarkey The French concept of bien dans sa peau – literally, to feel well in one’s skin – is one that takes constant practice for most people, and is something I have made a concerted effort to practice in recent years. I feel that now, in my mid-30’s, I know with more certainty who I am, what I want, and what my goals are. A lot of these realizations only come with age and experience (another lesson I’ve learned in my 30’s), but I think we can still learn an important lesson on self esteem from our French friends.
Having lived abroad for a period of time, and traveled much beyond that, I have always found French style and confidence to be mysterious and somewhat unattainable. Is it that they are all so skinny and therefore confident? Are they all rich enough to buy beautiful clothes that I can’t afford? Surely they’re not all more educated than I? Don’t they have the same worries and priorities as me (bills, jobs, relationship, kids, etc.)?
Now that I am older and more sure of myself, I see it is not that their lives are so very different from yours and mine; the secret to this air of confidence lies in the knowledge that you are unique, have your own qualities that make you special, and (most importantly) you celebrate these facts. Bien dans sa peau is not just a concept for your outward appearance, but for your mental and emotional confidence as well.
Easier said than done, right? So how do we do this on a regular basis?Below I have cultivated some steps for increasing your own self confidence comme les français, based on my extensive observation of French culture and my close interactions with many francophones in my life. As with everything, it takes practice, and loving oneself is a daily practice that will never end (and some days are more challenging than others in this regard), so think of these steps as mantras to reflect on daily, and in turn they will become innate. And be patient with yourself as you put them into practice.
Practice self love. One of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given from a mental health professional is to love yourself. Sounds so simple, yet… I am someone who can be very hard on themselves. I am overly critical and a perfectionist to boot. So it helps me so much sometimes when I become aware that I am being too critical to stop, and tell myself kind things instead. I like to remind myself that “I am intelligent, I am capable, I am beautiful, I have many blessings.” So be aware next time you are being hard on yourself, stop that negative thinking in its tracks, and love yourself with kind compliments. This will have a cumulative effect and increase your self esteem over time.
Be unapologetic. If you’re a woman reading this, then you probably know what I mean; we tend to apologize… beaucoup. It’s a thing with women that many of us are somehow trained to not want to step on any toes, or irritate anyone, or make our needs clear. Well, that is slowly changing in the world today, and the way that changes is through each individual making the effort to stop apologizing for who they are, what they want, and what they need. Speak up! Dare others to criticize you for working toward what you want, or for making your intentions clear. If you’ve been to France, you know the French do not make any qualms about speaking their mind, a trait that sometimes startles American travelers, but I believe we should adopt. Speaking one’s mind will project confidence to others, and the more you practice this, the easier it gets.
Learn your style, and don’t follow trends. It is so easy to get caught up in trends… Every season there is a new wardrobe “trend” that everyone seems to emulate, myself included at times. But something I’ve realized over the years of following trends (and way too much shopping) is what I really like to wear, and what I do not. For example, I am not someone who loves to wear dresses. To me dresses are for special occasions, going to church, date nights, etc. I don’t want to run errands in a dress, or drop off/ pickup my daughter at preschool in a dress. I feel confident, capable and ready to take on any obstacles of the day in a great pair of jeans. I usually pair that with a simple and chic top, a cardigan (like the one in this post that I’ve been eyeing), and stylish flats or sandals. What makes you feel the most yourself, confident, attractive, and powerful? Whatever it is (even if not “on trend” at the moment), wear it with pride and the knowledge that you are reflecting your real self on the outside, and take confidence from that. The French take this concept truly to heart, which is why they are known to have such style. They dress in what makes them feel attractive and powerful, they don’t apologize or care that it might be different, and they go about their day with those feelings because of it.
Stop trying to impress those who don’t matter. Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. This goes along with learning what your personal style is. Dress, create, do, and live for yourself, not for what you think the world wants you to be. Allow yourself the kindness to follow your dreams, find a way to work it into your life, and believe in it. Don’t look to the person to the left or right of you. At the end of the day, the only person you need to satisfy is yourself.
Know what you are passionate about, and embrace it. Since I was a teenager, I have always been a devout francophile. I was so mesmerized by France the first time I took a trip there with my high school French class, and obviously, it has never ended. The one constant in my life has always been my love of the French language and my passion for sharing it and replicating French style in my life. That’s why this blog now exists. I used to judge this passion, wonder why I was so taken with the concept, and worried that it wasn’t “normal” to feel so devoted to a place and culture. But then I realized that it makes me happy. And that’s all I need to know: replicating French style, traveling abroad whenever able, teaching French language in my community, cooking French food… it all fills me with joy, and so I keep doing it. I have decided to stop overthinking the why and to just go with it. If something brings you joy and inspiration, embrace it and don’t apologize.
Alors, what are some things you think you can improve to be more bien dans sa peau? This list is by no means exhaustive, just what I have observed in my life as a francophile, traveler, and French speaker. The point is to adopt the concept, understand what that means to you, and practice it daily so that you will feel more confident, beautiful, and capable in your own skin. I truly hope this helps you work toward that goal, as it is something we all should work toward, not just admire it in our French friends.
À la prochaine-
geneviève
